Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
