STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
