Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
