Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
