just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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