Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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