let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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