He is an equal opportunity slut.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
