and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
