i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
