Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
