I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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