so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
