you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
