just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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