I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
