Already got asked if we're dating
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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