It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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