I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need a beard to bite.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
