Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
