Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
