Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
