Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
