I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
