I just pynch a tree in the face
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
