I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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