Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
