then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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