He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
