some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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