I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
