You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
