I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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