Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
