I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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