this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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