I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
