I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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