Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
