New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
