All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
