This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
