So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
