how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
