I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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