tell your sister to shave her snatch
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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