Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
