who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
