You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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