Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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