I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
