According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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