I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
