I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
